If you could re-invent yourself, which area (or areas) of your life would you give a makeover — your family, career, or leisure life?
Knowing who YOU are is essential at the start of every phase of your life , whether parenting, job-hunting, career, spiritual, emotional, or even leisure!
I love to watch the dynamics between children and their mothers. Children have this incredible focus, this one-track-mindedness when they want something. Beyond its frequently comedic aspects, the way that single-mindedness is brought to play in the relationship between mother and child often offers a wealth of knowledge in understanding the psychology of wanting versus getting. I remember this one time I was visiting a friend who had three children. Even though she kept some in the house, my friend was one of those mothers who did not believe in indulging her children with sugary treats. She used to say that the only reason she even had candies around the house was to ‘mollify’ other people’s ‘unruly’ children when they came for sleepovers. But every mother knows that there are moments when only candies will do. My friend was no exception.
As mothers do when they have visitors and don’t wish to be disturbed, shortly after my arrival, my friend had turned on the children’s favourite cartoon channels in their playroom and deposited her two older children (who were four and six years old, respectively) in front of it, along with a plate of biscuits and a packet of juice for each child. The third child was under a year old and was in a different room adjacent to the playroom, sleeping soundly in her court to my friend’s apparent relief.
After serving us, our treats (tea and slices of homemade banana cake), my friend and I made our way with the trays of goodies to a comfortable sofa in the sitting room, kicked off our shoes and settled down to what my friend hoped would be at least an hour of enriching, kids-free chat.
We’d barely bit into the moist, molasses-drenched cake when her oldest child (a boy) came asking for candies — he had seen some of the cartoon characters consuming some. ‘Darling, you know you are not allowed candies. Now, play, Mommy is chatting with Aunty,’ my friend had admonished gently. Without a word of protest, her son had turned and disappeared back into the play area. I was impressed by such instant obedience — which was out of place for a child that age. I noticed my friend acknowledged her son’s submissiveness with a smug smile. I could imagine the thought running through her mind. My children are well-behaved; I am a great mother. With a barely concealed pride, she’d turned to resume our chat. But it wasn’t to be, as the cry of her second child, a daughter, rend the air. The girl appeared shortly afterwards. ‘Mommy, h-he took my biscui…all of it!’ she pointed behind her. My friend did not need to ask who the ‘he’ was.
‘Timothy! (not the boy’s real name for the sake of privacy). ‘Timothy! Come here, right now!’ Jumping up, she followed her crying daughter to investigate the thievery. That of her son’s soon followed her daughter’s wailing. And then the baby woke up. To cut a long story short, it was at least half an hour before my friend could bring sanity back into her home. By that time, she needed to dole out — yes, you guess rightly, candy!
How do you know that YOU are who you say YOU are?
When my friend dropped down again on the sofa after resolving the conflicts in her home, her erstwhile smug look was replaced by tiredness — and a hint of embarrassment. I understood her very well. After all, I, too, was a mother. And so I had looked her square in the face.
‘Don’t you dare!’ she commanded before I could open my mouth. Between bouts of laughter, she’d continued. ‘Anything you want to say to me now, na story, my sister. Rules are all well and good, as long as they don’t threaten your sanity. As you see me so, I like my peace well, well. If na candy goes, help me get that peace, no wahala!’
If you could re-invent yourself, which area (or areas) of your life would you give a makeover — your family life, career life, or leisure life?
We all want to be successful, have impressive careers, and do the work we love. We want to be happy and have a loving and faithful partner and genuine and authentic friends. Those of us who have children want them to be safe, obedient, respectful and focused. Above all, we want to exist in a peaceful and safe community where we can aspire and make those aspirations come true. The above are all valid wants or dreams. But knowing that a desire (or dream) is reasonable is no guarantee the person who dreams or desires it will get it. What determines that is the single-mindedness of purpose. And that single-mindedness can only come from truly knowing who YOU are. Ultimately, the aim of self-knowing is to create a balance. Chaos and war result in imbalance. Imbalance does not produce success or happiness, so a self at war cannot fulfil its dreams and aspirations.
