Someone beautiful and wonderful, precious and valuable, regardless of the scars…

One day, after one of her gentle prodding, I’d turned to my grandmother and said. ‘Nne, do you think I am stupid and worthless?’

‘Ai!’ my grandma had put her palm over my mouth as she exclaimed. ‘Where did you hear such a thing?’

‘Aunty. She said that I was stupid, a useless and a worthless thing, that I will never amount to anything.’

‘That woman…she thinks she’s God! My grandma expression had turned really dark then. Bending forward, she’d held my face in both hands and looked deep into my eyes. ‘Listen, child,’ she commanded. ‘Do you think you are stupid?’ I thought about it for a second, shook my head but added, ‘but she used to say that all the time. One day, she even told one of her friends that she was trying to train me into a better person when her friend said that calling me ‘stupid’ was not a very good idea and wouldn’t make me learn any faster. Maybe I am stupid and don’t know it?’ I’d looked imploringly at my grandmother as I said that.

Whatever my grandmother saw in my expression must have caused her a great deal of sadness because her eyes watered as she exclaimed ‘Ai’ again.

‘Listen to me,’ she’d commanded yet again, ‘you are not stupid. You’re an exceptional child, Nne-nne eyen (beloved child). ‘Everything that woman said is nothing but a pail of fermented cassava. Do you want to know how to tell whether what a person is saying is the truth or a pail of fermented cassava?’ Unable to help myself, I’d giggled at her repeat of the fermented cassava analogy (A pail of fermented cassava was my grandmother’s way of saying ‘utter nonsense). ‘Match the words to the person, that’s how,’ my grandma said when I nodded, yes. ‘Now, think about your uncle’s wife,’ she had continued. ‘Do you believe that her heart was full of goodness when she said you were useless? I shook my head. Are the words ‘stupid’ and ‘useless ‘words of blessing…despite what she said, do you believe she called you useless to help you become a better person?’ Again I shook my head. ‘Did she ever call any of her children, your cousins, useless? Shook head. ‘When she called you useless, did she hug you, did she smile?’ I shook my head. ‘In this world, my child, people are going to speak all kinds of words to you. Match their words to them…match the words to the person speaking them. If they tell you that they are speaking those words to make you a better person, look into their eyes, you will see the real person in those eyes. Do their words match the soul inside those eyes? Is the heart in that soul agreeing with what the mouth of the soul is saying? Finally, the words they speak, are they life words? Do they build up, do they make better? If yes, then the person speaking them is speaking the truth; if not, then whatever they are saying is a bucket full of fermented cassava.’

My grandma passed away over twenty years ago, but her words still ring strong in my heart today as they did that day, especially when I am faced with any form of negativity. Just as they did back then, those words still possess the power to help me view myself as beautiful, wonderful, precious and valuable, regardless of what other people may say.

Match every word to the character of the person speaking them!

What a wonderful beacon of light. What an excellent piece of priceless wisdom!