There can be no real self-growth without an attitude of gratitude!
“(Gratitude) reminds us that no matter what befalls us in life, we can take the charred remnants and we can reconstruct a life unimaginably richer than that from which the shards and pieces fell.” Craig D. Lounsbrough
My generosity when Martha died was because of Martha herself.
Sometime after our relocation to the family’s permanent residence in FESTAC Town, Aunty had sent her little sister. The girl was probably between 17 to 20 years old at that time. She was tall and lithe, dark like ebony wood, with thick, luscious hair sprouted out of her head in great, dark tangling mass. And she was beautiful. Soon after her arrival, a cortege of young men began hanging around the communal space beside our flat — supposedly to play football. But everyone knew they were there because of Martha.
Martha’s beauty was not the only extraordinary thing about Aunty’s little sister. She was also exceedingly kind. The minute the teenage girl noticed the way I was treated, she took it upon herself to become my protector, frequently calling out her nieces and
berating her older sister — an unheard-of action in a culture that dictates that adult be accorded high respect, even when it isn’t earned.
Self-knowing allows you to appreciate the importance of kindness and ensures you never forget it!
I could not understand why Martha chose to befriend me. I was unimpressive and ragged, with nothing to offer or contribute to her life or comfort in any shape or form. She could have had the friendship of anyone in the estate, boy or girl. In fact, most young people there wanted her company — beauty attracts like a bee to honey. Anyway, Instead of moving with the ‘In and It’ Crowd of the estate, Aunty’s beautiful sister chose the company of a little girl no one acknowledged or seemed to notice except when required to fetch and carry. Though it did not completely erase it, Martha’s kindness went a long way in alleviating my sadness. It was, therefore, a privilege to do right by the child she died giving birth to. It was an honour to show the child kindness, the same way its mother had shown me kindness some years back.
Self-knowing walks hand-in-hand with a willingness to make a difference!
Many of us speak about ‘making a difference.’ But very few are willing to take on one of the most fundamental tools in difference-making: readiness to be the lone voice. Because, more often than not, the lone-voice — the only voice that frequently speaks out against injustice — will invariably be ostracized. In a world where almost everyone wants to belong, very few are willing to risk taking a stand against anything that would result in their being (or feeling) excluded. Martha wasn’t one of those. Aunty was older than her by many years. Even though traditional norms demanded absolute loyalty and respect to an elder (especially within one’s family) and would punish any act of such disobedience harshly, it did not stop Martha from disobeying her sister on my behalf. Her support could easily have led to her big sister sending her back to the village, but Martha was not moved by the thought of losing her own comfort. She was not cowed by what her overall family would say if they heard she disobedient to her big sister or choosing her sister’s husband’s niece over her own family. She was willing to stand up for me against her big sister’s bullying. To speak out against the injustice that was being done to me, to be my voice. Her courage did not stop Aunty from maltreating me. But it made a difference. It would have been callous of me if I did not honour the memory of her courage with an action of gratitude when the opportunity presented itself.
A real journey of self-discovery must create in you an attitude of gratitude!
One way of noticing that you are on the right path of self-growth is when you remember, appreciate, and honour acts of kindness you have enjoyed. As a matter of fact, you can’t lay claim to personal growth without an attitude of gratitude. It is also next to impossible to do good without, first of all, acknowledging acts of kindness you have enjoyed in the course of your life journey. Because the truth is, it is the attitude of gratitude that arises from admitting that someone was there for you when you needed help that will make you want to be there for someone else who needs help. It is like the symbiotic relationship between sunlight and all living things. Think about it. Without the life-giving rays of the sun, no living thing stands a chance of blooming. Well, an attitude of gratitude is precisely that way to self-growth. Without it, no self can grow or improve.
